Parenting is Hard (but does it have to be?)
A woman sees her friend out in town and asks, “Hey, how are you? How are the kids?” The woman responds, “You know, it’s rough. I love my kids but being a mom is HARD!” The friend looks at the woman judgingly and states, “Kids are awesome, being a mom is the best!” They depart each other cordially saying “see you later!”
How many times has this happened to you? How many times have you felt like the experience you have as a parent is unique and not like most peoples? Do you question your ability to parent? Do you ask yourself, “am I a good mom/dad?” The answer to these questions is simple: yes, it is hard, and yes, your experience is unique! Here’s why:
Children are all different: Children are human-beings, even as infants they begin to show inherent personalities that are their own. So navigating those personalities as a parent is a unique experience which is unique to you and your personality.
We are not born parents: We spend years learning in educational pursuits how to perform mathematic equations, read, write, understand science, learn history, and even understand the human body through health and physical education, but rarely are we provided information on what it is like to be a parent, other than maybe the egg, responsibility, test or the “near-live” baby-doll we have to undertake with a partner in health class in some schools. But how do we teach our kids about life, love, care, emotions, and other “soft” skills that make a major difference? This, typically, is done through trial and error in our own lives or recommendations by family in our lives.
We have had traumatic childhood and adulthood experience: a lot of how we deal with our kids can sometimes be effected by the experiences of our earlier life. While this may be completely unintentional, it can sometimes create barriers to our emotional connections or to our ability to allow our children to learn on their own. For example, if we were bitten by a snake, we may want our children to never experience that and some may go as far as never allowing their children in an environment which is similar to the environment in which we were bitten (for example, a grassy field or a desert landscape). Another example, on the opposite side, would be to believe that misbehavior on any scale requires physical punishment because that is how we were raised. This too, can cause a separation between what can teach a child boundaries and what can teach a child how to separate from their parent.
We don’t know what happens to others when their doors are closed: Even our closest friends may not be willing to be honest about how difficult parenting is for them. But if we are honest, parenting is like sitting in a massive room, completely dark, filled with hay, with nothing but a pen light, looking for a tiny needle. We are trying our best with the tools we have and can utilize at our disposal to raise children who are good and productive people; children who feel loved and love; children who give and want to share; children who are honest and forthcoming.
Dad’s and Mom’s,
It is difficult to raise a human-being. If you’re doing your best, giving your love and putting your children first, hopefully you can find that you are making a difference in their life, regardless of your friends opinion. We encourage you to keep trying, keep learning, keep applying focused love and care, and remember to center your own self.