Parental Involvement for Noncustodial Parents
In 2009, Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS) published a pamphlet entitled “In the Best Interest of the Child”. In the pamphlet, FCPS explains that “sometimes parents unwittingly create an unhealthy learning environment for their child(ren) due to unresolved conflict between [parents].” This can happen for a number of reasons, typically it’s a punishment from one parent to another or doubt about the ability or difference in the way one parent “parents” and how the other parent views this. What most parents don’t understand is that, regardless of how one views the other, the children may not or don’t see their parent the same way. This is because, inherently, a child’s family—especially the parents—are their first society and they look to the parents as their guide for what is good in life. They effectively become the child’s “hero”. Therefore when we, as parents, begin to quarrel or, even worse, call names or make negative comments about the other parent, the self worth of the child, from the child’s perspective becomes diminished.
Think of it this way, if a child is told constantly or even sometimes, that a parent is wrong or bad (insert negative words here) then the child see that part of who they are or care about is not what they believe. This doesn’t change the relationship with the person being spoken about, rather it makes the child feel as if the parent making the statement views them in the same light because they believe they are part of who the child is. Therefore, typically, quite the obverse happens. The child begins to question the love and care that the parent making the statement has for the child. This can negatively effect that relationship.
If you have a negative or contentious relationship with your child(ren)s other parent(s) one way to resolve this is to communicate directly with the school. FCPS recommends “Any relevant court orders…the individual parents interest…their rights and responsibilities in requesting and receiving school documentation…and how and when the individual parents wants to be contacted…” all be discussed directly with the school personnel. This will cut back on any interaction regarding these issues and place them on the communication between the parent(s) and the school.